Dear Swim Mom,

Kids talk a lot among themselves and I’ve overheard my son and teammates say they feel like the coach has a favorite. The kids say the coach doesn’t pay enough attention to them and spends all his time with this one swimmer.

Is there anything I can do to make this situation better for my son and his friends? Your thoughts about this are appreciated.

Sincerely,

Not a Fan of Favorites

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Dear Not a Fan of Favorites,

There could be more to the story about the coach and swimmer that your child and teammates are not aware of. There could be extenuating circumstances that are private. In any case, if it is truly a problem for your child, you can make an appointment with your coach to talk about it. Or, better yet, if your child feels strongly enough, they can talk to the coach on their own.

I have noticed that kids who show up every day and have great attitudes, sometimes get more attention from coaches than swimmers who show up sporadically. Not that this excuses a coach for having favorites, but you can see how difficult it would be to not focus on kids who are invested in their program.

Other situations I observed where it looked like certain kids were getting more attention than others were due to things we weren’t fully aware of such as a learning disability or other physical limitation.

I’ve heard more than one coach say that they try to treat each kids fairly although it’s nearly impossible to treat everyone the exactly the same. They say that kids have different ways of learning, talent, maturity, ability to follow directions, etc. It’s a coach’s job to figure out what works for each swimmer.

Obvious favoritism can be harmful to the esprit de corps on a team. Through their swim careers, they may have a dozen or so coaches starting in learn to swim programs through college swimming. Each coach will bring different abilities, skills and talents. It’s important that your child is swimming because they love it, not because they are trying to please a coach, or their parents.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth Wickham